The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
