Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
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You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
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In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story