Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...