im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....