I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
