If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we made out on top of his cat.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros