i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.