girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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