plz talk dirty to me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
