was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
