My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
