I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
