and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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