so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
