I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
