he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
