I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
