I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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