Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
