New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
