hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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