The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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