Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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