we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
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There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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