my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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