I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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