I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
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Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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