so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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