He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
