Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
