Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
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Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
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Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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