New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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