i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
