Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
