i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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