am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
