Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
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he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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