i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
