on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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