this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
