So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
