hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
