I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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