I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
