alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
