god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
only if we run a train.
done.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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