tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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