I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
