just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
