Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
