I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
