Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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