I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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