kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
