I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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