haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
