we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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