Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Randomize
