I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
