Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
