I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
