new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
