this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
