The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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