I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
