you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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