I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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