look no pants
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
my liver is dry heaving
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
