who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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