i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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