Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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