then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
