i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
