do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
