He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
