On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
