You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
