Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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