we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
