dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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