he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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